This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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