well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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