I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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