I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
