Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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