Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
