I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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