at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
