the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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