we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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