Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize