Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We had sex on a dog bed..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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