I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize