I need help removing her.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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