Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
