Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
