People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
