ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
