You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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