I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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