What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He shit in the fireplace
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
