i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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