im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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