if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
