a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize