i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
