Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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