i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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