Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
