Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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