can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
