she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
