ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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