i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
