i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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