fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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