when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
