I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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