He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
