i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
