some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
