I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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