addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
