I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
