Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
