Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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