I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
