she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
