So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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