Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
