i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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