You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
