She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
