True but thats because hes a fetus.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
