from now on my penis is your penis
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
