i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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