Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Holy sore nipples Batman
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