I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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