i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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