I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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