he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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