the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
two words: eviction party
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
