yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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