Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
