i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Never let your siblings swipe right.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
