Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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