we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
