Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
