I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
