we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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