What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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