I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
