It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
