mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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