I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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