if only i could text you this smell
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
