Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Everyone says I win the strip club
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
