Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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